Saturday, February 28, 2009
no reply..talked 2 kakak 2dae..got loads of useful advice...made up my mind...but can i live up 2 it? uncertain...datz wat i felt...how? so dumb n stupid.waiting 4 his reply..a mistake being repeated,again n again..supposed 2 learn from it,but... weak is wat i am now. meaningless tears. hope is wat i alwaez give 2 myself,but wat do i get? nothing. i'm so blind.
11:50:00 PM
thank god fridae's over!!wad i did juz nw? hmm... went 4 attachment as usual...i got my skills done!!! wee!!! i can relax 4 my last week of attachment now!!!!
went back home,met twinnie b4hand,ate @ home(i eat a lot sia!!) den get ready 2 go out but dunnoe go whr...hahaa..@ last,go west coast park n juz chill..sooo windy..n guess wat??we saw dis "shooting star" but not sure if itz really a shooting star!! it was very fast!! n in a blink of an eye,it's gone!! it looks 2 close 2 b a shooting star!! BUT IT LOOKS SOOO REAL!!! I KNOW I SAW IT! TWINNIE SAW IT 2!!we talked n talked abt our complications in our love life... how confused we r... n our differences... sound so lesbian ryt??? but datz wad sisters do n so juz get used 2 it..!!i miss him sooo much...it feels soooo wrong...i feel so pathetic...why sia why??? itz not like he's gd 2 me or anyting...i cannot explain this. i want something dat i can't get. 1 yr of knowing,but i dunnoe him very well...such a big mistake...falling 4 secret.... dere's no reason dat fits in diz empty silence....
12:08:00 AM
Thursday, February 26, 2009
lovely isn't it? when u did a very good job n loved by ur patients, but ur being looked down by ur teachers? well,my patients n i noe d truth,so long as imake my patients happy,i'll b 2.."sometimes i run...sometimes i hide...sometimes i'm scared of you...but all i really want is to hold you tight..treat you right... b with you day and night... all i really need is time...""itz just emotions taking me over,caught up in sorrow,lost in d song..tears on my pillow...and d words ofa broken heart..."
i noe u'll never b mine,but that won't stop me from caring for you...hushnow my dear... go back 2 ur dreamless sleep..
1:05:00 AM
Saturday, February 21, 2009
so yea. i fell in n out of love. not a lot of times. just a couple. n i hung on 2 it 4 a long time. Past: i love my fren for 2 yrs but he nvr knew. until an asshole gave him a clue n he found out. n i was so embarrassed i didn't dare 2 face him. though we nvr mit 4 a long time, i kept thinking abt him n missing him. it took me a yr 2 let go of my special feelings 4 him. total of 3 yrs.Present: i like diz cholic(used 2 wrk 2gather) of mine 4 almost a yr nw. n still liking him.so diz shows hw much i cn like/love smeone.but i noe itwas a mistake 2 fall in love wif these ppl. but,i can't help it. until nw,i'm trying 2 4get them completely n go on wif my life..
12:46:00 AM
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
so lost..... stress is something that i don't cope well with. too much!! hmm... 'secret' did not msg me 4 quite some time nw.. but i won't wait. i'll just move on.so 2dae went back 2 sch yea? hahaa...d new students r very annoying. naughty.haish...wad 2 do... amateurs. i dun have dat much 2 sae ryt nw. very distracted.
12:14:00 AM
Monday, February 16, 2009
easy 2 say.hard 2 follow. liking someone is easy,loving them takes time.once u love them,ur blinded. u don care wad ppl sae,but once u face d truth,it hurts u soo bad that u know that they're right. it sucks when u have 2 face d truth,yes? but. i have 2. forget him. i have 2 really open up my mind now. a lot of buts in my life. he's not wat i want,but i can't bring myself 2 dislike him. itz stupid when u noe ur still young but itz different when ur young but u've gone through so much shit,u noe wat ur looking for. i noe wat i want. but i will not get it,will i? hopefully,my mind is made up.hopefully,i'll forget u. for God's sake,i kip telling myself this but its not happening! URGH!
11:33:00 PM
Thursday, February 12, 2009
i miss alcohol sooooo fucking much!!! urgh!!! be in control faidila! ur already 2 months sober! u can do this!!!! damn...i'm sooo in need of it rite now.
12:08:00 AM
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
in any other case,i won't bother. but him,i 4got 2 wish him happie b'dae! omg! so i wished him a belated one.but...as usual...he din reply... yea2...tired...@ camp... bla3...same ol' same ol'...valentine's day coming. whr m i going? hmm... 7 am-3 pm...working @ NUH..fuck nabei.not even paid sia cb. after dat? go out wif my beloved brother dear,nashrul aka mamat.... dunnoe la he wan bring me someplace i nvr go b4...haish...i wanted ezz 2 go out wif me...but... surely he'll b 2 bz wif his gf...or scandal... hmm... sobz.so in conclusion? my life's a bore,i kip turning ppl dwn.i should start becoming me again n go on dates like i usually DID. haish...y DID i stop going on dates?? oh yeah... coz i like someone a lot n d rest seems 2 b no match... STOOPID BITCH.FAIDILA UR SO DUMB U MUST HAVE A SCREW LOOSE IN UR HEAD.lovelydaywillstaythatway.lovelysoulcanbecrushedeasilyonceustarttofeelachangeinyouself.nowmylovelysoulisallbrokenintobitsandpieces,throwninthedeepblueocean,wherenoonecanretrieveitunlessyoulovemeenoughthatitwillfindit'swaybacktome.
11:56:00 PM
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
i'm not sure on wat 2 do nw. forget? go for it? or don sae a wrd? i like him a lot,datz 4 sure. i'm prepared 4 d worst ting possible, 2 b rejected. but why can't i juz let go? i shld really learn 2 do that. hmph.
juz when i wasn't thinking abt u,u came back in2 my life. i wanted 2 ignore u,act as if u didn't msg me,but u wil call me instead.how? i tried asking ur cuzzin ur ways of msging gerls,different gerls dat u categorised. but,i don't fit anywhere. even ur cuzzin was surprised u msged me dat way. wad r u trying 2 say? wad m i telling myself?
confusion's my life,but i must learn 2 control it.
.ilu.
1:45:00 PM
Sunday, February 1, 2009
woooooooooooowwwwwwww................my leg sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo gonna give way!!!!!!!!!!!!!! break!!!!!!!!!!!!! wahhhhhhhhhhh.........juz nw kendarat was fun!!! but damn tiring!! n kinda annoying 2. hmph.fussy ppl!!!!!!! booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo....................................................
n smething happened....make me sooooo sad........... but............ yah....itz juz 4 me 2 noe....haish........ juz kinda broke my hart... hmmmm....... mayb im better off as everyone's frenz....
give great advice,,help others,,diz is wad i get in return...cnt he see?haish...... nemind faidila.ur astrong bitch. no nid 2 grief over it..if onli i cn b sober abt it,i think i will handle diz situation better.hmph... dat fucking promise.
2:53:00 AM
