Monday, August 31, 2009
he came just now. coz he went to send mamat. stayed for abt 3 hrs. i think. or maybe 2. omg he looks soo good.. i keep stealing glances towards him... he was siging to d songs.. so cute! haha.. n i saw him stealing glances @ me too. could it be..? nah... he's still with her... did not talk to 'danger' much today.. just kip smiling @ each other.. he was sick y'dae.. told him 2 take care n eat panadol... when galaitam went back, i was so lost, i cried. i did not get to hug him. again. wth...
i mean it when i say that i only want one.
andeverythingendsnow
1:55:00 AM
Thursday, August 27, 2009
i can't let him go. that's the truth. no matter what, it's hard for me. if u can understand me, i'm thankful,if u don't, don't even say a word.
truth be told, i can't seem to not msg him n i told him. he says den msg him, he will reply if he is not busy. easy for him to say. i know for sure dat he loves his gf. i think. i know that i should let him go. but.. i just cannot do it. more cute quotes coming up.
andeverythingendsnow.
1:06:00 AM
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
itz annoying how he will just suddenly msg me a random text. but i learnt to except it. shows that he doesn't want me to go. which i never will.it don't matter how much he hurts me emotionallyn mentally, but all i know is i care for him.
made lots of frenz @ my workplace! farking fun sia n itz so damn slack dat u can fall asleep. hahhaaha... abg boi, abg yus, abg falaq, abg andy, n d cutest of them all, abg sagat. HOT man.. gt 1 tooth missing becoz of a fight but still cute! n one thing all of them have in common? THEY R FARKING HILARIOUS!!! oh my god seriously sia... hahaha.... sagat so cute.... lol! okae2! but i'm still falling head over heels for galaitam n i wonder why.
gotta go to work tml. must reach by 10 am, oh n yah itz fasting mth. no more smoking a pack of cigarettes in a day, cut down all d way to 5 stick per day!! save sia money!! hahaha!! orite2 gotta sleep nw bye!!
andeverythingendsnow.
3:35:00 AM
Sunday, August 23, 2009
fucking annoying. was gonna sleep. checked my tagged profile yea. so saw dat he sent me a tag. mother fucker. he won't reply my msgs, he did not leave a msg even on tagged, n he gave me a tag? wtf r u doing man? really sia i'm fucked up. i ain't d onli gerl though. fuck you dude. ur juz one of those mindfuckers dat i will just crush to d ground. but something is fucking stopping me from doing it to you. i'm so fucking mad ryte now but i still miss u. nabei lah u fuck. i miss u syazana.... how to mit u if i'm working longhours every single day?? love u twinnie!
2:54:00 AM
omfg so tired!!!! since d last post, i have been working at d bazaar at aniz at singapore post at paya lebar. hehe damn tiring! last thursday reached home at 6 am, d next day at 4 am, n first day of fasting month, 1.30 am! not enuf slp!!! at all!! but fun ah better den staying home. annoying fuck. n did not even have d time to think about him. which is good. but i do miss him. happy fasting to all of u! n to him, i miss you alot. wanna sleep gotta work @ 10 am all d way till 11.30 tml later bye!andeverythingendsnow.
2:14:00 AM
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
thx lala... this story below, i took it from lala.hehe. but really. it made me realise something.Once upon a time, there was an alien child on a faraway land who was sitting alone with nothing to do. It was sitting on an armchair in a field of brocolli with a table of durians beside it. The alien child was hungry and though durians werent its favourite fruit, it also had nothing against it. So it skillfully opened one up and ate a little. It was sweet, so the alien kept eating more. Then it felt a little sick. Because even on faraway planets, durians are heaty and shouldnt be overconsumed. It hit a point where the alien didnt feel like eating anymore and wanted to throw the rest of the uneaten durian away. Suddenly, before the alien child could grab the thorn-covered husk, it rolled away to the end of the table, just out of reach. Then a passerby sat down and started eating it on an armchair at the other side of the table. This made the alien child angry. It remembered not feeling like eating anymore, but the presence of the other alien and the fact that the durian rolled away itself, made the alien child want it back. Even though it was sick of it, and wanted no more, it would force itself to eat it because the fruit belonged to the alien child. Not the passerby. If the passerby wanted the fruit or if the fruit let itself be thrown away, the alien child wouldve happily obliged. But this was not the case. So the alien child made a grab for it. It was hard at first, because the passerby was still eating the durian but in the end the alien child got its hands on it. During the pursuit though, the alien childs hands were injured and was now bleeding. This made the passerby upset. The passerby reasoned that if the alien child didnt want the fruit, the passerby wanted it, but the alien child is an egotistical bitch. It said NO. Even though it could feel the pain of its bleeding hands it held on to the fruit. Worst, it held on tight, cutting the wounds deeper. But the alien child wouldnt let go. Why?Why wouldnt the alien child let go of the fruit. When it didnt want it anymore. When its hands were bleeding from pursuing something that made it feel sick.Answer: Because the alien child knew that even though it hurts, and the wound it bound to get deeper as time pass by for holding on to something that it's loosing, there's a small part in it's heart which feels great, cause at some point of time, it actually made the alien child feel better . i made up my mind to let him go, to back off. thinking that it will make me feel better. but silently it's killing me n making me weaker than ever. it's draining my happiness away. i realized that when they talked abt him in front of me, i wanna listen. n when they remind me abt the happy times that i used to have with him, it made me happy to noe dat i have shared my happiness with him. yes i may not get him back now,n maybe never, but, knowing that he still holds a part of me, n reminding myself abt how comfortable i m with him, makes me feel..like what lala said, FULL. n yes, it hurts to think of him n how he just disappear from my life, but i cannot stop it, d fact that we will, one day, see each other again. i may hate him now n then, i may wanna hurt him, wanna destroy his bike(hehe) but the truth is there. i still wanna hold on to him. i still want the happiness. quoted,"what won't kill you, will make you stronger." lala made me realise this, understand this, that when i learn to accept the pain, it will make me strong.
12:23:00 AM
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
going out non-stop! kinda bored now. always doing d fucking same thing u noe. lepak. smoke. do lame stuffs. go for a joy ride. lepak. cry. talk abt everything. lepak. listen to music. lepak. dance. lepak.lepak.lepak. THINK OF HIM. d last one? WASTE OF FUCKING PRECIOUS TIME. he's gone. gone for good. no way m i gonna turn back now(i think).
really miss my beloved missys... amirah, ayun, n faizah.... especially these 3.... sobz!! miss u guys sooooo much!!!! *hugsss*
my health is hmm... nt bad... my eyes are getting more lifeless n i dunnoe why.. kip getting tired.. duh!! haish. now is the time i'm gonna build back my hard wall. must b mentally n physically fit.! yeah!! don waste my time animore rite?? yea. easy said than done.
andeverythingendsnow.
11:44:00 PM
Monday, August 17, 2009
burn d photos. avoid everything. spent as much time being busy. kip myself occupied. yeah. haha. had fun past few days. but onli when im ard ppl. when im alone, hello tears! pathetic n unhealthy. eat alot nowadaes. miss almost 3 mths of period. shit. don worry fai. everything is gonna b okae. gonna start work diz fridae. woo hootz!! yeah! love it man.. hafiz thx for accompanying me when im down. really thx. ur a great fren. miss my nursing frenz. hope to see them soon. oh well. just rch home. wanna bathe.andeverythingendsnow.
12:32:00 AM
Sunday, August 16, 2009
my mind is exhausted. my heart is shrivelled. datz how bad of a situation i m in rite now. it just sucks. forget it lah. i can't seem to describe what i'm feeling. aahh. fuck lah. i'm soo fucking pissed. i mean it. ARGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!don b dumb faidila. move on.
1:15:00 AM
Friday, August 14, 2009
20 days. since he msg me. 20 days. ppl say, be patient fai, get over him, he's not worth it. i noe. but, i can't seem to get over it easily. for me, there is still hope. omfg how dumb can i get??? yah i noe...haha damn cute sia twinnie. hopefully she is happy.... im happy for her.... hee... :)will i have a happy ending too? haish....
10:50:00 AM
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
wahhhhhh..... some time since i blog..... wahh...... okae2..... so my week was fun lah k... abit annoying coz i have 2 go home early sometimes... damn.... but okae lah.... hahah... got a job with kak aniz.... woo hootz!! n i wanna rebond my hair!! i tried straightening it for a while just now at d office!! haha... look farking feminine!! lol..... but okae lah.. i nd a new look aniwae... hopefully i can rebond my hair....
missing him alot.
2:28:00 AM
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
happiness seems so far from my grasp. but i noe it's there. i just need time to grab it. but time is not on my side. but i'm willing to chase after it. n i will get my happiness back. i noe i will. i have to go through hardships at this age, but i will conquer it. i can do this. no time for regrets. it will only hold me back.one thing i realize? he is not worth it. yes i may love him so so much but i noe he don't deserve my love n care. it hurts me alot to noe that i'm just dat girl u go to wen u feel lonely. i can b strong. n i will. tears do not mean that i am weak. it just means that i learnt my lesson n i nid to move on. even if it takes a year. i noe i can. mayb i will change, or mayb u will wake up at last..iloveyouandistilldo.howdumbcaniget?imayneverknow.hee.
12:04:00 AM
