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Wednesday, September 30, 2009


fuck sia. got sick today. i can't even wake up to answer my phone. my energy, all drained. emotionally weak rite now. no reason. physically aching everywhr. vocally sore. nabz la sial. why do i still wait for him to msg me patiently? stoopid fool u are, faidila.

gonna go apply for job tml at orchard ion. wish me luck!! hope i get well by tml.at least not as weak as todae.

.myhappiness,andreasonfortears.

7:34:00 PM

Monday, September 28, 2009


what i do when i cannot do anything else.


my face when i'm pissed at galaitam.
damn fucked up

my happiness and reason for tears.
i love him

sagat,he helps me alot. n punch damn hard.
i like him. ;)


i knew that the happiness will not last long. glad that i get to spend most of my time with him, but suddenly, he went back to his old ways. haish... just too gd to b true.. now, i have to endure n persevere again. itz almost 2 yrs nw. takper fai sabar.. sabar jer k..


thx ehk ezzly. really sia.. i dunnoe wen i will actually reach my breaking point.


talked to sagat y'nite. haha.... great advice. hopefully i'll remmber n follow ur advice. although i noe it myself, i juz nd 2 hear it from smeone else. n no, i don't easily get influenced. i choose who to get influenced by. n yes, i will love myself. :)


.myhappiness,andmyreasonfortears.

5:38:00 PM

Saturday, September 26, 2009























-not fair-
oh he treats me with respect he says he loves me all the time
he calls me fifteen times a day he likes to make sure that I'm fine
you know I've never met a man whose made me feel quite so secure
hes not like all them other boys they're all so dumb and immature
there's just one thing that's getting in the way
when we go up to bed you're just not good it's such a shame
I look into your eyes I want to get to know you
and then you make this noise and its apparent it's all over

it's not fair and I think you're really mean
I think you're really mean
yes I think you're really mean
oh you're supposed to care
but you never make me scream
you never make me scream
oh it's not fair and it's really not ok
it's really not ok
it's really not ok
oh you're supposed to care
but all you do is take
all you do is take
well I lie here in the wet patch in the middle of the bed
I'm feeling pretty damn hard done by,
I spent ages giving head
then I remember all the nice things that you've ever said to me
maybe I'm just overreacting,
maybe you're the one for me
there's just one thing that's getting in the way
when we go up to bed you're just not good it's such a shame
I look into your eyes I want to get to know you
and then you make this noise and its apparent it's all over

it's not fair and I think your really mean
I think you're really mean
yes I think you're really mean
oh your supposed to care
but you never make me scream
you never make me scream
oh it's not fair and it's really not ok
it's really not ok
it's really not ok
oh you're supposed to care
but all you do is take
all you do is take

there's just one thing that's getting in the way
when we go up to bed you're just not good it's such a shame
I look into your eyes I want to get to know you
and then you make this noise and its apparent it's all over

it's not fair and I think you're really mean
I think you're really mean
yes I think your really mean
oh you're supposed to care
but you never make me scream
you never make me scream
oh it's not fair and it's really not ok
it's really not ok
it's really not ok
oh you're supposed to care
but all you do is take
all you do is take
man i love this song. specially for you andi. oopz! :x

andeverythingendsnow.

6:04:00 AM

i don't care abt anything. d fact dat u have a gf, i don't care. u, i will love n cherish. i cannot promise you anything, but i can promise you, i will ALWAYS b here for you. u may think i'm nuts, but that is d truth. i will not let you go, because i cannot let you go. i do not wanna let you go.

had fun for d past few days. haha. klu aku tau, tadi aku cium kau lah bodoh! but, i still think of her. n i just cannot bring myself to do it. haish. next time u do dat, i WILL kiss you. mmuaahh2!

daddy nvr scold me animore for lepak-ing until morning. phew! but abit noisy lah sometyms biaser lah kater pompuan takot balek umah perut besar. stop it ehk ayah i ain't dat cheap n stupid. hoho...

andeverythingendsnow

5:49:00 AM

Saturday, September 19, 2009



sick n tired of everything. of being accused, of being backstabbed, of being used, of being taken as trying to carry balls for people. FUCKING SICK AND TIRED OF IT. can't thay just leave me alone.?.? WHAT THE FUCK.


just reached home. ton wif d bunch as usual. kena pinch by him twice! n was pulling each other's hair just now. haha. damn funny. n wtf littlest things can make them laugh. haha. i love you galaitam. :)


have a gd rest guys. hope to see you guys again very soon... especially you galaitam... :)


andeverythingendsnow.

6:17:00 AM

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


aaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! so damn sleepy!!
but cannot sleep!!! gonna go to kubur @ 7 am later, mit ewe @ 11 plus, den go peni n bugis! 2pm, gotta reach workplace!! oh fuck!!

lepak with d bunch again yesternite. first time mum let me go down @ 3 am! omg was fucking surprised! 0.0

eh galaitam, manbob, ajoy, n mamat, THX EHK FOR CALLING ME FAT. hehe.. i don actually care.

gotta ask galaitam y he put dat song in his tagged.

argh!! so mad @ myself!!! stop it faidila!!!

andeverythingendsnow.

2:44:00 AM

Monday, September 14, 2009


i dunnoe wat to think animore. i just wanna smile again. to smile sincerely and not forcefully. to feel that love again. i yearn for it. everytime i see you, i wanna hug n kiss you. i wanna show you all my care and concern. i asked my godbrothers, who is older than 25 yrs old, what i should do, i even ask my godsister. same answer, to move on coz you are not worth it.

but in my eyes, you r different. you make me feel whole. we've been spending more time d past few weeks. but suddenly, you treat me like shit again. i feel shitty. i know that i should move on. but i can't seem to open up. you will always hold a part of me, i won't let what is happening right now affect me again. whatever happens, i will always be there for you, no matter how fucking sucky you treat me at times. u fill in the blanks.

andeverythingendsnow.


1:35:00 AM

Friday, September 11, 2009



my mind is screwed. i'm lost in my thoughts. i need him. how dumb can i get...?


had fun d past few days. tired. gtg. bye.

andeverythingendsnow.

12:43:00 AM

Friday, September 4, 2009
















running out of time. was so tired i couldn't wake up. told kak aniz i'm not coming... take off. really cannot tahan.. n i miss hanging with twinnie. @ last get to buker with her!! mmuaahh2...

miss him. i noe it's not worth it but i cannot help it.
oh yah. n to the buttheads that talk crap abt me to other people, n u declare urselves as my friends, and THOUGHT that you know me very well just because we r friends for quite a long while, just fuck off the act aite? seriously. no one knows me better than TWINNIE. she knows how i talk, how i walk, and know me inside out. i talk to different people in various ways, by how much i respect them. if i like u/ur attitude, i talk to u nicely n give u advice calmly, but if i don't like u/ur attitude,u expect me to talk politely n not treat u like shit, sorry. u can just fuck off aite? u guys talk about me behind my back that time, u think i didn't know abt it? come on, words come ard.
i choose who to hang with, just bcoz ur someone close to me, don't mean i wanna hang with u. so i'm oreadi out of ur space,gimme some space n stop talking bout me. i'm sick n tired of it.
BUT if u still wanna talk bout me? go ahead, i'm too tired to argue n stop u, go on. people say if i talk bad about u too, i'm just being defensive,so i won't even bother to waste my time n breath. SAY WHAT U WANT. I DON'T REALLY CARE. i'm such a hot topic kan? yah i noe. ;) only God will show me who is really there for me.
glad i say it out @ last. it's a gd thing i'm in a bad mood today. everything is out now.

andeverythingendsnow.

3:58:00 AM

Wednesday, September 2, 2009







just reached home. wasn't in the mood when i reached work. unexplainable. so was sulking n sulking. den abt 1814 hrs galaitam msged me. so i replied. den we msged all d way. my mood changed. am smiling. :)
he's fucking lame. said that his bike no tangkis, so i tell him go terawih lah near his house can walk. he say no tangkis. LAZY FUCK! haha. abt 10-ish, twinnie told me they(ciko, her n rosli) r miting galaitam n man. i went berserk. seriously. was screaming that i scared some of the customers away. sorry! so called galaitam half an hour later. he said ciko tk jad. aww... he said minyak da nk habes n his grandpa tell him not to go home late. they met him n man for a while then went off. d funny thing was, ciko met me n mamat @ tmn jrg @ abt 12.30 am. so wassup? wadever lah... not my problem. galaitam oso lazy readi. oh wells...
so instead, mamat n i met galaitam @ abt 1 am or so. damn funny sia man haha. i actually hadfun! den went to rilek @ d coffee shop until abt 4 am, man n galaitam met their fren n d gf n was talking abt NS stuff.. i was like falling asleep on galaitam's shoulder. den their fren asked galaitam," abeh kau dlm camp,kau attached tk dat tym?" he was fucking blur sia. den man say yah n pointed @ me n say," ni fai, matair baru dier. dier kn kuat." i laughed like hell sia haha n galaitam laughed oso lah duh...
after 4, went 2 mamat's void deck to slack. i was resting on his back, den he say want to lie down. fine lah i move. den he lie down on my lap. was playing with his hair n tapping him lightly on his chest. next thing i noe, he fell asleep. kesian member penat sgt. man was very entertaining dat mamat n i kept laughing. galaitam 'confiscated' my smokes n say onli if he smoke den i can smoke. fuck dammit sia. he was deeply asleep dat he was softly snoring. so cute! his heart beat is damn steady.. haish... den @ abt 6, i went home. gave him a kiss on d cheek(forced to by man) n den purposely press his face. n pinch his nose. haha. padan muker kau galaitam.

my start of my wednesday is great. not gonna sleep or else it's gonna b hard for me to wake up @ 8 am. which is in a few hours! haha. hopefully i did not fall asleep later @ work. heh. i miss u. u like when i call u hensem kan? n u don mind me calling u galaitam. hehe. u bodoh halau aku. haha TAK LAH.... he just wants me to go home n rest... nabei lah u.

how swt of him to ask, if i'm sleepy or not, if i wanna rest, etc. oh! n d first thing he say when he come, he show me his hp n say, " i miss my shoes.." bodoh lah u. but dammit his drawing is fucking fabulous. he can draw! artistic man dat guy. yes dat bugs bunny pic is his drawing.
anything is possible.

andeverythingendsnow.

6:53:00 AM

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