thx lala... this story below, i took it from lala.hehe. but really. it made me realise something.
Once upon a time, there was an alien child on a faraway land who was sitting alone with nothing to do. It was sitting on an armchair in a field of brocolli with a table of durians beside it. The alien child was hungry and though durians werent its favourite fruit, it also had nothing against it. So it skillfully opened one up and ate a little. It was sweet, so the alien kept eating more. Then it felt a little sick. Because even on faraway planets, durians are heaty and shouldnt be overconsumed. It hit a point where the alien didnt feel like eating anymore and wanted to throw the rest of the uneaten durian away.
Suddenly, before the alien child could grab the thorn-covered husk, it rolled away to the end of the table, just out of reach. Then a passerby sat down and started eating it on an armchair at the other side of the table. This made the alien child angry. It remembered not feeling like eating anymore, but the presence of the other alien and the fact that the durian rolled away itself, made the alien child want it back. Even though it was sick of it, and wanted no more, it would force itself to eat it because the fruit belonged to the alien child. Not the passerby. If the passerby wanted the fruit or if the fruit let itself be thrown away, the alien child wouldve happily obliged. But this was not the case. So the alien child made a grab for it. It was hard at first, because the passerby was still eating the durian but in the end the alien child got its hands on it. During the pursuit though, the alien childs hands were injured and was now bleeding.
This made the passerby upset. The passerby reasoned that if the alien child didnt want the fruit, the passerby wanted it, but the alien child is an egotistical bitch. It said NO. Even though it could feel the pain of its bleeding hands it held on to the fruit. Worst, it held on tight, cutting the wounds deeper. But the alien child wouldnt let go. Why?Why wouldnt the alien child let go of the fruit. When it didnt want it anymore. When its hands were bleeding from pursuing something that made it feel sick.
Answer: Because the alien child knew that even though it hurts, and the wound it bound to get deeper as time pass by for holding on to something that it's loosing, there's a small part in it's heart which feels great, cause at some point of time, it actually made the alien child feel better .
i made up my mind to let him go, to back off. thinking that it will make me feel better. but silently it's killing me n making me weaker than ever. it's draining my happiness away. i realized that when they talked abt him in front of me, i wanna listen. n when they remind me abt the happy times that i used to have with him, it made me happy to noe dat i have shared my happiness with him. yes i may not get him back now,n maybe never, but, knowing that he still holds a part of me, n reminding myself abt how comfortable i m with him, makes me feel..like what lala said, FULL. n yes, it hurts to think of him n how he just disappear from my life, but i cannot stop it, d fact that we will, one day, see each other again.
i may hate him now n then, i may wanna hurt him, wanna destroy his bike(hehe) but the truth is there. i still wanna hold on to him. i still want the happiness. quoted,"what won't kill you, will make you stronger." lala made me realise this, understand this, that when i learn to accept the pain, it will make me strong.
